How I Found the Moment in My Hip Flexor

First published January 24, 2021

Do you sense a theme here? Me in yoga class. Sweating my ass off. Twisting to wring out the stress in my body, but more often than not the stress in my head. The constant thoughts, criticisms, plans, running lists…Inhale. Exhale. One. Two. Inhale Let. Exhale Go. These are my attempts to direct the narrative in my mind to the present moment. To my body, my breath, my heart beat, my surroundings, my life.

And, then it happened. In a pose that I thought I could NOT hold for one more second. Glutes engaged. Core pulled in. Quads tight. Shoulders soft. One leg over my head. Balancing on the other. One arm reaching forward, the other holding on to my foot peering over my shoulder. Thinking I can not do this anymore, my hand slipping, my standing leg shaking. But, then, I let go... listening to my breath rather than the voices in my head.

Just like that, the pose became easy, fluid...no more struggle, no more fear of falling, no more mental distractions. Pushing and challenging my way towards the center, I felt poised, balanced, courageous, and calm. Feeling me. Knowing me. Loving me…And, then BOOM. I remembered I needed to get something at Target. I lost my foundation. My knee bent, core relaxed, shoulders tensed, breath became labored...I fell right out of the pose. That one thought threw me off course.

But, I stayed the course, stood still, faced my sweaty self in the mirror and smiled. The ME I found was still there. Ready to give it another go. Unencumbered by the running commentary in my head, I felt free. I looked in the mirror, lifted my left arm, caught my left foot, established a new foundation, balancing on my left leg this time. Breath in. Breath out. Focused.

I found myself in the zone once again. The place inside me that feels like home. With my newfound clarity, I fully embraced the pose and it felt awesome. Proud. Grounded. Peaceful. Present in my body, without my interfering mind.

I found the moment. Or, did the moment find me? My desire to live ALL IN is not new...life and some therapy have given me many tools to work with my mindset. Yet, it seems this is an everyday struggle for me, having to reel in my mind...perhaps, this is where I need to let go of the fight.

Will finding acceptance in the fact that my mind will wander every day for the rest of my life bring me greater inner peace? Will I remember that if I bring myself into the moment, life actually becomes easy? That my mind is actually the culprit in perceived challenges and inequities?

What happens next? I persevere. I take my inner high-speed, high-focus personality and I channel it towards empty. Towards breath. Towards my five senses. Towards the present moment. Towards my zone.

And, I keep showing up on my mat. Sweating, breathing, and remembering...that I can always find the moment in my hip flexor.