Life Lessons

First published March 2021

Ever Since my dad died 25 years ago, I go to the beach when I feel the need to talk to him.

Winter Lakewalk, 2021

He was happiest with sand in his toes with the lake nearby.

A place where we both easily cultivated inner peace and joy.

That’s why we lovingly spread his ashes in the middle of Lake Michigan.

To this day, I feel closer to him when I walk along the lakeshore.

I usually go to him when I am afraid.

Or am feeling desperate and alone.

It’s there that I can hear his soft whispers.

He still answers my most pressing questions.

I look at the horizon and talk to him— not out loud, usually in my head.

His answers always come to me.

Sometimes I hold my own hand, pretending his hand is in mine.

His hugs were so strong.

His personality so big.

His passion incomparable.

He loved me unconditionally, I know that now.

I didn’t feel that when I was a much younger woman.

I always felt the need to prove myself, to earn his love.

His way was challenging and often overbearing.

But he did mean well. That’s obvious to me two and a half decades later.

Perhaps, it’s because my daughter is in her 20s — near the age when I lost my dad.

Or it’s because the possibility of becoming a widow in my early 50s hits too close to home.

Or it’s because I am on the cusp of 55.

Dad died at 55.

A life cut way too short.

I see this so clearly now as I move into this new stage of mid-life,

When often it feels like I am entering a new beginning.

Stepping into my own.

Listening to the voices in my head that steer me closer to my true calling.

Concerned less about accomplishing and more about observing.

Being IN my life more than thinking about my life.

Some of these lessons revealed themselves to my father as he approached an untimely death.

Today, I still seek his lessons.

And have etched the nuggets of his insights into my very being.

Now, they carry me through when I need him most.

Towards the end, Dad told me that it bothered him when people complained about the weather.

“The weather always changes,” he said. “Being alive for another day - rain, snow, wind, or sun - is really the most important thing.”

The state of the weather is really not a problem at all, it’s how we react to the weather that is.

More than anything, he taught me to be brave.

And, for that, I am eternally grateful.